This event happened during a private meditation session under the guidance of a breath-work / re-birthing teacher. Early on, an old and familiar fear began arising – fear, even paranoia, of losing my mind to outer control. But instead of the typical, “Oh no ...”, sinking feeling that would take the wind out of my sails, I felt the presence of the teacher / guide, and the fear simply found no grip, so it lost its pull, and a powerful natural trust in the inherent goodness of existence arose instead.
During the breathing meditation, I became aware of a powerful energy throughout my body and a deep clarity of mind. Awareness was absorbed into an inner awakening. Then an inner silent dialogue ensued with a Presence I knew to be Divine by the innate authority of the absolute presence of Love. I knew what was presented to be true but I cannot explain how I knew that I knew. It felt like a primordial truth was being revealed / remembered. It was not an intellectual understanding transmitted, but more a direct awareness of what is irreducibly so.
It was revealed that life is God’s gift. God as the Source of life is infinite potentiality, and I knew without a doubt that there are ways we can master which enable us to experience ourselves in any way we intend. However, I was not given specifics at that point beyond the knowing, “To give is to receive.”
I was sobbing deeply from the heart because I knew the Source of life as the Love of God, and I felt the full gravity of the gift of infinite free experience.
I was crying, “Thank you, thank you”, in the face of this revelation and the Presence calmly conveyed, “I do not need thanks, because I do not have an ego.”
I asked with true concern, “But how can I ever pay you back?”
And the Presence conveyed, “By accepting the gift (of infinite life).”
With my full being I accepted it over and over, and was crying uncontrollably as I realized the sheer magnitude of Unconditional Love that gives everything and wants nothing in return except that you accept the gift if you so choose. I sobbed with love and gratitude, “How can you be so perfect (selfless) with Your Love?”
And the Presence broke me open deeper when It conveyed, “Because I am you.”
It registered but did not sink in totally. I was stunned, and then I was powerfully instructed, “Just believe.”
It was not ‘believe’ as in ‘mentally accept.’ The acceptance pointed to was much deeper than that. It was ‘believe’ as in ‘know it, feel what is so, feel it all the way to your core.’
As I opened to the acceptance, my inner vision tunneled at my third eye and I felt myself as awareness entering some kind of power-geometric-tunnel, swept within by the power of conviction. I felt-knew an impending direct realization that God and I are one and the same identity. Then an enormous doubt / fear arose, so I repeated with conviction, “I believe,” and the fear-doubt was swept away. Again I felt as if I was heading to the on-setting of unitary realization, and just at that moment, an overpowering “what if …” terror hit me again. This time, I could not overcome the fear, and I opened my eyes and sat upright.
